Art by David Wynne

In which literally every character in Dazzler: The Movie is the absolute worst; Beauty and the Beast is secretly kind of awesome; Ann Nocenti is an editorial war-bard; Rachel issues a hat-related retraction; and we would read the hell out of Tales from the Heartbreak Hotel.

X-Plained:

The many mutations of Hank McCoy
Alison Blaire
Dazzler: The Movie
Dazzler’s corporate origins
The original plans for the actual unmade Dazzler movie
Severely off-model Storm
Ziggy the Butler
Several frankly horrifying courtships
Roman Nekoboh
Eric Beale
Beauty and the Beast (but not that one)
The correct way to open a miniseries
Ann Nocenti
Alexander Flynn
The importance of voice in writing Beast
Max Rocker
The Heartbreak Hotel (but not that one) and its residents
Nocenti narration
Some really dubious underground theater
The worst hat
What Dazzler’s been up to lately

NEXT WEEK: Rock'n'Roll Annuals... IN SPACE!

ART CHALLENGE: Join us in a world where Beauty and the Beast spinoff Tales from the Heartbreak Hotel is a real, published comic--and send us your fan-art from that series!

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Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!