ROUND 1: On the last episode I said we’d be totally avoiding this topic today but Kate sucks & has a quick, light, flaky, buttery, syrupy, tasty little update on the latest in DC regarding the troops deployed to the Capitol.

ROUND 2: Burn pits, move aside - today we’ve got facts about your arm pits & sweat glands since we already covered buttholes & nipples after previous political topics. Captain Cons, this is your time to shine.

ROUND 3: Cue the Bertie Higgins yacht rock but not because we need a palate cleanser from a sad topic - The Coast Guard recovered a stolen Tiki Hut Bar Boat & this thing is a BEAUT

ROUND 4: Cons chatted with WWE Superstar Montez Ford about realizing his lifelong dream of being a pro wrestler but not before he stood on the yellow footprints on Parris Island

ROUND 5: Safety Brief - don’t go injecting magic mushrooms directly into your veins this weekend. A man in Nebraska found this out the hard way when the ‘shrooms started growing in HIS VEINS and nearly killed him.