Round 1 (11:08): A Woman sucking dick is the bravest story you’ll hear today.

Round 2 (15:36): Our good pals, The Air Force Security Forces Defenders, have some explaining to do as some fella just snuck on base and was doin a little plane goofin on the flight line at Andrews.

Round 3 (26:39): The Pentagon released the results of the first-ever service wide hazing data. It turns out the Space Force leads all branches in hazing reports. Ah, just kidding. It was the Marines.

Round 4 (40:46): it’s time to update the safety brief: A woman used gorilla glue instead of hairspray in order to keep her hair down.

Round 5 (48:03): It’s time to talk about time and space and how folks are attempting to bend time like beckham. Put on your scientists’ hats, baby girls. We’re going intergalactic.